Got lost for hours on http://whovianconfessions.tumblr.com/  I love doctor who and that site makes me realize that there are people like me out there who REALLY love that show.  Whenever I'm feeling bad I turn that show on and it takes me away from all the pain.  It's an escape.   It's not my only escape, I used to LOVE music, and I used to LOVE writing...  I don't do either anymore, the feelings are just too strong there.  This blog is my pathetic attempt at writing how I feel (something I was once good at) and what I need to get out.  Now I watch TV, play around on FB (I swear I only make myself feel inadequate there), pinterest and listen to podcasts.  They keep me from thinking, which keeps me from dwelling on the bad.  Makes it sound like my life is AWFUL.  It really isn't.  There's only a handful of things I don't like about it but the good things should well outweigh.  It's the darn depression and anxiety that keep me down.  I'm learning to deal, things have gotten much better since I have learned to speak up for myself.  I didn't realize that was such a problem in my life.

Pete Holmes (my new favorite podcast is http://www.nerdist.com/podcast/you-made-it-weird/ You Made It Weird) talks about how he's a boundary-less person, and at one point that's how I was too.  I still am in a way.  Placing boundaries has been a HUGE challenge for me in the last year, but has HONESTLY made life SO much better.  Telling people no, telling people how things make me feel, stating my own opinion...  those things used to make me scared out of my mind.  The word no was NOT in my vocabulary, and now it has been something I am not afraid to say.  No longer do I take on tasks that I can't find time to do (okay so occasionally I do, but because I want to do them, not because I'm guilted into it.)  I share how things make me feel now too, which is still hard and scary but less so than it was.  It's wonderful to hear Pete talk about his therapy sessions and about how he has ruined relationships over being boundary-less.  Not wonderful it happened, but wonderful to know I'm not alone!